New and Unsure

Day 1

March 28, 2017

I used to love to write. When I was younger, I enjoyed writing poetry and short stories. I don’t know for sure when that stopped. I don’t know for sure why I stopped. I just know that it is something about myself that I miss, and I’m hoping that this will bring it back to me.

So, why blog? Why start today? Well, last weekend I was at a workshop in Rhode Island and had the opportunity to chat with an old friend. He knew I wasn’t working and was curious about what I was up to. I didn’t know what to say. Such a simple question, “What are you doing these days?” and I go into a tailspin! He saw my discomfort and tried to be encouraging. He said a lot of things, but the only thing I really held onto was, “You have to do something.” So, here I am doing something. Is that enough of an answer? I don’t know, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment.

These days I feel that I am a complete failure. I graduated with my masters degree in social work in 2012 and started working as an Organizer-in-Training with SEIU that same year. I wanted to be a macro practice social worker. I wanted to be out in communities helping to make change. Taking a job as an organizer made sense at the time, but it was a tremendous mistake, and I wish I had trusted my intuition and quit much sooner than I did.

I was a bit of a mess when I quit that job and needed to regroup. I took some time to pick myself back up. In the meantime, I filled my days with volunteer work. I was trying desperately to stay relevant.

In 2014, I took a couple of jobs as a campaign manager for two different campaigns. One was paid and the other was voluntary. The two campaigns were very different from each other. One was for a candidate running for the House of Representatives, the other was a ballot initiative. While the campaigns were different, there was a bit of overlap with who the players involved were. Rhode Island is a small state, so that’s to be expected. I don’t want to get into it too much in my first post, but let’s just say that I left that work feeling very jaded. It wasn’t as traumatizing as SEIU, but it definitely left me wondering what the hell I should really be doing.

I decided to get my clinical license in social work. In my heart, I wanted to work for a hospice agency, and to work for hospice you really need to get serious about being clinical, so I scheduled my test and started studying. I kept up with my volunteering and was beginning to feel like I had direction again. Confidence was returning. I was going to be alright. Life was making sense again.

Wow… I haven’t been writing long and I’m already feeling tired. I have stuff I need to do around the house, and I’d really like to get to the gym. I guess that’s enough for today, eh?





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