When I first started this, I had intended to try to post something every day. I managed two days, got the feels, and walked away for a spell. Emotions are exhausting, and when you’re battling depression and anxiety it’s even worse.
What I originally intended is probably not what I’m going to end up with, but I am trying to move forward anyway. Part of me wants to beat myself up and quit simply because I didn’t meet a goal I set for myself. The healthy part of me says, “Who cares? It’s your goal! You can change it if you want!”
I have discovered that I definitely feel better in the spring. Winter really does have an impact on my mood and energy. This is something I really noticed this year. As soon as the days warmed a little and the light increased, I had more energy. I’m doing a lot better than I was in February. I still have difficult days, but I feel like I can rejoin the world.
I’ve been so focused on the negative lately that I have decided to spend today focusing on what works for me. Eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep. These things work for me, but I fight it every single day. I need to make it my routine, and I need an attitude adjustment!
I haven’t been very happy living in New York and have spent a lot of time whining about how I want to move back to Rhode Island. Moving is a tremendous pain in the ass, as well as expensive. I haven’t even been here for 2 years and feel like I’m sabotaging myself. I can choose to be happy anywhere that I am. It might be difficult, but I can start rewiring my brain.
What has been wonderfully helpful has been getting out and exploring. The weather has been nice, so I’ve been getting out and hiking. I bought myself an Empire Pass and started heading out. I live near several NY State Parks , so I have no idea why I didn’t do this sooner! I need to be out in nature. This is an absolutely stunning area scenically, and I have been a fool to not take advantage!
Recently, we were at Lake Minnewaska. If it is this beautiful on a chilly spring day, then I can’t wait for blue skies and sunshine to visit again!
Another place that I have always loved is Storm King Art Center. My partner had gotten me a membership as a wedding gift in 2015 and has continued to renew it for me. I don’t know why I didn’t take advantage of it as much as I could have last year, but I’m not making the same mistake this year! I have been trying to go at least once a week since they opened for the season last month. It will get more difficult as the weather gets hotter, but this sculpture park is where I need to go to feel “right sized.” Knowing that this week would be a hot one, I did manage to get there yesterday.
Today, I will go to the gym. I will eat healthy foods. I will read a book. Today, I’m okay. I’m not perfect. I never will be, but I’m okay, and the only person I owe anything to is myself. I’m working on it.